Showing posts with label dog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dog. Show all posts

Funny stories 14: Catholic Dog (Funny short stories with a twist)

Dog funny storyMuldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for your puppy."

Funny Stories 08 : Dog Bite

Funny Story of a homemade dog and a neighbor



It is the funniest of the daty
Kate Williams was very thirsty so He went into a cafe. There was an old woman in the cafe.
She was sitting near the door at a table. At her feet, under the table, there was a small dog.
Williams bought a glass of lemonade and some cookies. He sat down at the table next to the old woman. The old woman sat quietly. She looked lonely. Williams decided to be kind and talk to the old woman.
“It is very hot today.” He said.
“Yes, but it is nice inside here.” replied the old woman.
Williams looked at the dog and asked, “Does your dog like people.”
The woman answered, “Oh! Yes! He loves people.”
Williams wanted to give the dog a cookie. So He asked, “ Does your dog like cookies?”
“They are his favorite food.” said the old lady.
Williams was terribly afraid of dogs so He asked, “Does your dog bite?”
The old woman smiled and said, “ NO! My dog is very tame. He is even afraid of cats!”
Williams took a cookie in her hand and reached under the table. He put it near the dog’s mouth.
But the dog didn’t bite the cookie, He bit her hand! Williams jumped up, spilling her lemonade.
He screamed, “I thought you said, your dog didn’t bite.”
The old woman looked at Williams and then at the dog. Then she said,

“THAT’S NOT MY DOG!” 
Next Story

America vs. Russia

Praying man
The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.
When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.
The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

Funeral



A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the
nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse
about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.

The woman was so curious that she respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and

I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a
funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My husband's."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my
husband when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the
two women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

Dog Watch


Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"

Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."